My word for the New Year

All this past week I’ve had this blog post swirling around in my head but have not been able to write because of internet problems.  What has been going in my head has been quite comical too.  {smile}

You see, when I first began thinking on my word for the new year, I had one particular word come to mind.  And I mean it immediately came into my head when I started thinking on what my word could be for the year... I’m pretty sure there is no denying that this is my focus word for the year.

But all week while I waited for the internet to be fixed, I’ve been trying to change my word.  My conversations with God went a little something like this:

So I’ve been reading Philippians 4 and I think that Joy would be a good word.  I need to do less complaining.

And I would still hear this other word in my head.

What about Contentment?  I could sure use a big dose of that!

And yet again, I would hear this other word.

I even tried this one:

I could focus on all three.  Make all three my words for the year.

I then remembered how I tend to take on too many things and focus on too many things therefore making my life a little cah-ra-zy!  It needs to be simple. One word.

By now, you’re probably ready for me to get to the point of the blog post, huh? {smile}  So my word for the new year is:

Others

I have recently seen…who am I kidding…I’ve always been painfully aware of my tendency to make it all about me.  Yes, I do need to focus on me some in regards to my health and stuff like that…not talking about that.  Talking more about making sure that I focus on truly giving myself for others.

• Giving myself to my kiddos without complaining or sighing
• Giving my husband respect and helping him without complaining or sighing (my pattern is starting to appear, isn’t it?)
• Spending mornings with God and really diving deeply into His word.  Being open to His calling (dare we say it?) without complaining or sighing.
• Opening my home to others and letting go of my insecurities about it
• Making sure that my friends have a safe place to come to in times of need…anytime
• Being the kind of neighbor that I need to be and not expecting anything in return
• Being there for my extended family – my parents, Dave’s parents, our Grandmas, all of our brothers and sisters-in-law, aunts & uncles, and nieces & nephews & cousins.  I want them to know how much they mean to us and making sure that I show them.
• Loving the “un-cool” of the world or those that tend to be looked down upon.  They need love too.

Most of us are very busy.  And in my busy-ness, I tend to forget to focus on others.   I can get so caught up in the laundry and dishes that I forget to smile at my family.  Or when called to help with a task, I’ll let out a big sigh.  Or I forget to call a loved one on his or her birthday.  Or I’m not there to listen to a friend who needs an ear.

We need to be busy taking care of our families and doing our day-to-day tasks.  But my prayer is that in my everyday, I will take time to not just get the next task done but to show love to those around me.  To truly give myself to

Others

And I have a feeling that when I start focusing more on others and less on myself, I may just get to experience those other two words (joy and contentment) that I tried to make my focus words of the year. 

Garden therapy

I have a confession to make:

I’ve been suffering from a bad attitude.

I’m not proud of it but I am human and I do sometimes let myself get in an emotional place that I don’t really want to be.   Nor is it a place that I need to be or stay. 

The other day I was wearing my bad attitude a little too well so I asked my husband to watch after the kids.  And I went to the garden to meet with the Great Therapist…

He will meet me anywhere that I will meet Him but here in the garden, I feel especially close to Him. 

I fell down to my knees in front of a bed and began to pull at the weeds that were growing amongst the beautiful plants.  With each weed, I confessed my bad attitude and the things that I hold on to that cause my bad attitude.  Just like the weeds compete with the fruit that the plant bears so will the weeds of my sin compete with the fruit that I may bear.

As I shoveled compost into the beds, I thought of how this beautiful, rich soil was once someone’s trash…something that others threw away.  But God used it.  He turned it into something beautiful…something that will nurture plants.  Something that will fulfill the needs of a family.

I wondered if God could use my life, one that some might see as unsuccessful, to help fulfill the needs of others.  And I marveled at the answer.  Yes, He can use my life to touch others.  He can use this simple, stay-at-home mom to shape a new generation of Christ Followers. 

As I looked among the plants, I found myself focused on the red raspberry vines.  The vine all but died away this winter but now it is full of green leaves…life…  And soon it will yield tasty, beautiful fruit.  The vine is covered with thorns and yet, we will receive sweet fruit.

I thought of my life.  For two years, I felt as though I was walking through a desert.  Now joy is returning…life is being restored.  I see green leaves in my own life.

Sometimes I see those thorns too like when the bad attitude settles into my heart.  But I know that God forgives me.  I will walk away from this bad attitude with a renewed spirit and I will see fruit…

sweet, sweet fruit…

Thank you God for meeting me in the garden for some garden therapy.

 

~The Bible is True~

 Sunshine Girl handed me a paper on Sunday after church.  I looked at her art work and then I read the words:

The Bible is true.

I thought about these words on the ride home as I reflected back over the past few weeks…even the past few years of my life. 

Have I been living my life like the Bible is true?

Did I really believe that?

I had said those words numerous times myself over my lifetime.  Yet some days, it seems like I didn’t believe the Words of God. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Last Saturday, the day after I posted this post, I woke up with a whole new attitude.  In those few hours between that post which I posted while in deep despair, I was feeling renewed and even joyful. 

Was it the prayers of family and friends?

That could very well be.

But it was also the realization of where my problems lie. 

Yes, those problems…my bad attitude, my anger, my lack of trust…those problems came from…

ME! 

And the root of my problem…the reason that this Christ follower who has been given the gifts of grace and mercy beyond comprehension was living in a dry desert – well that can only be summed up with these statements:

I did not choose joy.

I was not fully trusting in the words of God.

Over just this past week, I have seen some things happen in my life that were truly just as the Bible says.  I am always amazed when I see God’s word in action. 

And I can tell you this.  This post here is quite an indicator that the following words are true:

“a crushed spirit dries up the bones”

but

we can not omit the first part of that verse…the part that gives us hope…

“A cheerful heart is good medicine”.

Proverbs 17:22

And that, my friends, is very true. 

Thank you for the words of encouragement here in the comments, in my email, and by word of mouth.  I appreciate your prayers and your encouragement. 

 

~The thoughts of my heart~

I did not plan to write this post tonight.  But there is some tugging going on in my heart and I can’t ignore the tugs.  I feel like I need to write my heart story down.  So this post is not the fluffy birth story/birthday post that I intended to write.  It won’t even have any pictures but there will be fluff later this week.  So if you don’t really want to read a story of struggles and heaviness, you can skip this post.  It won’t hurt my feelings, I promise. ;)

Let me start with this question:  why am I writing this post?  I really don’t know.  Maybe it is for me and only for me.  You know how when someone upsets you and you write a letter but never give it to them?  And somehow that makes you feel a little better?  Maybe that’s what this post is.  Or maybe it’s my way of opening up to others.  I can close myself off from people.  I am a bit of a do-it-yourselfer and tend to not want to trouble others.  So maybe it’s my way of asking for help…prayers from the prayer warriors who may stumble upon this post or heartfelt prayers from friends and family who I know read here. 

So what am I rambling on and on about? 

My heart…

And not the heart murmur that I have either.  But the condition…the spiritual condition of my heart. 

I have to take you back a few years and give a little background for you to know where I’m going here but these past two years have been tough.  TOUGH   Our family has been through so much and it has taken a toll on my attitude, my actions, and my thoughts.  I won’t go into details but I will say that these past two years have felt like a downward spiral.  And every time I try to stand up from being pushed down by some unseen hand, I have felt like I was immediately pushed back down again. 

And I’ve thought -

Is it depression?  And I truly don’t believe it is because I’ve been through post partum depression and this has been very different.

Is it a mid-life crisis?  It’s no secret that I only have one year left until I turn 40.  40!  And I’m not a pessimist but I do realize that means that my life is about half way over if, Lord willing, I am given another 40 or so years.  I can’t help but become reflective of what I still need to do and of dreams that I want to see come to fruition.  See?  Mid-life crisis!

Or is it spiritual warfare?  That is a good possibility too. 

So these past two years have been such a struggle for me…actually for my entire family.  David and I are so tired – physically, mentally, emotionally…you name it.  And there are days when I’m ready to sit down and say, “I’m done with this!”  The other day I actually told Dave that I “just feel like I can’t stand up anymore”.  The load is so heavy…

Then last night at church, our Associate Pastor, Bro. Chuck was preaching on prayer and praying for others.  One of the texts that he had us turn to was Luke 22:24 – 38.  As many times as I have read those verses, for the first time I saw this:

“Simon, Simon, behold, Satan has demanded permission to sift you like wheat; but I have prayed for you, that your faith may not fail; and you, when once you have turned again, strengthen your brothers.”  verses 31 - 32

As we read this, David and I looked at each other.  Without speaking, we were both thinking the same thing!  And when we got home we talked about how we wondered if that was what was going on with us.  Are we being sifted?  Are we being refined?  (Zechariah 13:9) 

Our pastor went on to point out that when something is sifted, it is to remove the chaff or the debris.  So if we are being sifted, then the debris is being removed.  I can not tell you how that gives me hope -hope here in the midst of trials.  Because if there is one thing I can tell you about these past two years it is this:  I have seen the good and the bad in myself.  I am ashamed that I still have some of the ugly sinfulness in me and it has come to light over these past two years.  And as much as I don’t enjoy being sifted, I am glad to know that it is for my good.  It is to remove the chaff…the sin that I  hold on to.  My prayer is that I will be quick and open to the changes that are being made in me. 

But did you see the next part of the verse?  Jesus prayed for Simon.  We are not alone!  Our Savior cares for us!  We are not alone in this fight.  For that I am very thankful.

Now, I am putting this out there on my blog.  It is out there for anyone in the world to see.  And I can honestly say that I feel better.  I really do.  I do ask that you pray for my family.  We could use prayers of renewal, rest, revival (which has all ready begun in our hearts! Yay!) and openness to God’s will in our lives.  Oh, and wisdom…always in need of wisdom. 

And if you have verses of encouragement, I would love to hear them.  I have two that I cling to but I would love to hear of others.  (Jeremiah 29:11 and Romans 8:28)

This is a very long, pictureless post and I realize that is very hard to read but if you made it this far, thank you.  God bless you…Adriane

~Focusing on the Lovely~

The other day I read a blog post where the blogger openly told of her struggle with a negative attitude on that particular day.

I think if we are honest with each other, most of us probably struggle with those same negative attitudes on occasion during our lifetimes.   

 Today was one of those days for me.  I woke up and focused on the things needing to be painted, the well-worn furniture, having to dance around someone in our too small house…

And then my sour attitude began to set the tone for our home.  If I’m steaming and stewing, my children seem to feel the undercurrent of my attitude and it sets off the domino effect of a home without peace.

When I have days like this, I hear two things in my head.  One, I hear my dad who is one of the most positive thinkers that I know.   Two, I hear the verse from Philippians 4:8. 

“Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.”  Philippians 4:8  (emphasis mine)

My actions and my words are an overflow of my heart and my thoughts.  If my thoughts dwell on the not so lovely and the wrongs of this world, so follows my heart, and then follows my actions & words.

I must guard my thoughts and protect my heart from these things.  I must think on what is lovely, what is pure, what is right, etc.  These are the things that will bring me peace.  I say this because if we continue to read Philippians 4:9, we see that we have been taught these things and we need to “practice these things”.  The verse concludes with “and the God of peace will be with you”.

When I awoke today and realized that I had the choice to make this a lovely day or an ugly day by where I chose to focus my thoughts, I decided to seek out the lovely.  That’s what these pictures are.  They are pictures of the loveliness around my home.  By focusing on the things that I find beautiful and lovely in my home, I was able to keep myself from dwelling on the imperfections in my home. 

It’s not always easy to focus on the lovely.  There are days that I just want to sit down and wallow in the injustices.  And I will admit, that there are days I do just that.  However, I know that if I choose to dwell on the lovely, peace will follow. 

My prayer is that I will always choose the lovely even when it is tough.  That’s my prayer for today and I’m sure it will be my prayer for tomorrow too.

~ Our weekend where we retreated, renewed, and reconnected ~

The sun setting as we drove down the interstate. I love being able to see the sky without buildings in the way!

This weekend, David and I were given the opportunity to leave the city for a retreat in the country. I love the country. David and I have such a longing to move to the country. This is really funny because we both grew up in rural towns and I had quite a bit of access to the country…and I didn’t want to be a part of it. However, years ago, we both began longing to live in the country again. For some reason, God keeps us here in the city. We know that we need to be where God wants us so we try to find contentment here. Notice that I said try!

So back to this weekend…

David and I headed out to a camp for our retreat. It was really a much needed thing for us both. I have not shared this much here but I have been going through a spiritual desert for about a year and a half. I truly believe that it has been a spiritual warfare. Aside from my brother’s death, it has been one of the hardest things I have ever gone through. Here recently, I have felt this “cloud” of darkness lifting and my joy being restored to me. I’ve even had friends and family notice this change happening. I am so very thankful to God for bringing me through it. I am sure…no, I know that I have been refined. I am curious to see how God is going to use the changes that have been made in me.

So back to the weekend…again…;0)

We had various sessions and each one taught me something or revisited old lessons for me. I was amazed at what I was able to learn in the few hours that we were there.

The lodge where we met for our sessions and the motel rooms where we stayed.

In one session, our pastor shared with us a book that he had read. The book was One Month To Live by Kerry & Chris Shook. When you stop and think about having only 30 days left on earth, it really puts things in perspective for you. I have found myself thinking about this a lot here lately. I worry about so many things that don’t really matter much in the long run. Some of the questions that he asked us were:

• Make a list of five things you’d change about your life if you knew you only had one month to live.
• If you only had a month to live, with whom would you want to spend the time? To whom would you need to apologize? ~Ouch~ To whom would you need to assure of your love? What keeps you from spending the time and saying these words right now?
• Make a list of the people in your life for whom you are most grateful. Do they know how important they are to you? Why not tell them?
• If you knew you only had one month to live, how would you simplify your life?
• How would you like to be remembered?

There were others but these really struck home with me. I have set about to make things right in my life with others and my family. I want these people to know how much I love them. I am all too aware of the fact that “life is but a vapor”. I don’t want to wait and miss my opportunity with the ones that I love.

A Saturday morning country sunrise

The whole weekend focused on relationships. I know it’s a God thing because relationships have been heavy on my mind for a while. I love it when God does that…you know, when He sends others to say the thoughts that you have been thinking. It’s really, very cool!

Some other thoughts from the weekend:

• In talking about encouragement: Good can flow from me: good does not always flow to me. ( I can give to others and it is ok if it does not flow back.)
• Overlook insignificant things
• If you have someone to love, love them today
• Treat people as valuable ~ focus on individual’s personhood, not performance

David and I left the retreat feeling very encouraged and recharged.

We went home after running errands and started working in our yard. I love working side by side with my husband. He is my best friend and I love working with him. We would work a bit, stop and chat, work a bit more, run in for a glass of lemonade, work a little more…I just loved it. I have visions of us as an old gray-headed couple working in our yard & garden. It sounds perfect to me!

I started working in the front flower bed and David started painting the stoop and front porch. Then we heard thunder rumbling and we quickly tried to finish what we could before the rain rolled in. Dave got the side stoop painted and it mostly dried before the rain began but the front porch didn’t fare so well.

I was so excited about planting my front flower bed because it is in desperate need of some love but I realized that I needed to get strawberries in before the rain. So my shade loving plants are waiting for me to find the perfect spots for them in the front beds.

After the rain began to pour, we moved indoors. I really had a list of things that needed to be done but I decided to sew. I love to sew but rarely have time for it. I made my Baby Boy these shorts and appliqued the shirt. I am not finished though. I waited to hem the shorts after he had tried them on and I need to finish the applique too. My machine decided to mess up and I just had to walk away. I was really a bit put out with that silly machine!

On Sunday after church, we drove to our parents’ homes to pick up our children. On the way, we saw fields covered with these yellow flowers. It was so pretty and once again, made us long for a country home!

So that is our weekend ~ our weekend of retreating, renewing, and reconnecting. It was a great weekend!

Early morning (or late night) ramblings

I really don’t know what to title this post or even if I will post it.  It will be ramblings that possibly have no point!  I hope not.  But I feel a need to write my thoughts right now.  The thing is that I really don’t want to (write it, that is).  However, I feel that I need to.  (I really, really don’t know why either.)

I have friends who tell me that I’m not transparent and open enough.  I will give them that.  I tend to guard my words, my thoughts, my opinions.  I don’t like to be hurt from laying it all out there.  Been there, done that.  But sometimes I don’t even feel like myself because I don’t say what I want to say.  So tonight I’m going to lay it out there and be real…

You may have noticed a strange silence around here lately.  On Sunday, I posted pictures with few words and then there has been silence.  Oh, I’ve read.  I’ve read my favorite blogs and I’ve read Facebook but I’ve said very little. 

And why? 

Because sometimes silence and stillness are needed. 

There is definitely a lot of noise around me.

Noise from my five children.

Noise from the TV.

Noise from the internet.

Noise from people.

Noise from the thoughts swirling in my head.

Noise from the neighbor’s tree being cut down.

Noise, noise, noise!  (Do I sound like The Grinch?  ;0)

And sometimes that noise really gets to me.

I woke up on Monday and I was:  tired, overwhelmed, frustrated, hurt, ill-tempered, insecure, angry….

I could go on and on and on.

And I knew that I needed to spend some time with God.  I have a tendency to turn to people when I feel like I mentioned above.  I’ll talk to my husband (which I did), my parents (ditto), or my friends.  These people love me and they will try to help me with what is going on in my life.  But the only One who can truly help me is God.  So why do I always go to Him last?

So I’ve been spending time with Him.  Here’s what He has shown me:

Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Matthew 11:28

Cease striving and know that I am God… Psalm 46: 10a

Casting all of your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.  I Peter 5:14

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.  Galatians 5:22 

Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.  Philippians 4:8

I will lift up my eyes to the mountains; From where shall my help come?  My help comes from the Lord, Who made heaven and earth.  Psalm 121: 1 –2

So why I am I sharing this?  I really don’t know.  I just felt like I needed to do it.  I know it’s been quiet but I’m not on a blog break.  I’m just being still & quiet and listening right now.  And hopefully I’ll be back with pictures of the kids tomorrow! 

 

Do you have words from The Bible that comfort you or guide you when the noise of life threatens to drown you? 

~Our weekend where we celebrated our Risen Savior~

~Picture heavy post~

Do you ever have something turn out totally different than what you had planned? Yeah, me too. This weekend was one such time. The entire weekend took a totally different turn than I had planned but it turned out better than I think I could have anticipated.

We celebrated this weekend very differently than we have in the past. One, we had some big decisions on our minds…things that needed our contemplation without too much extra noise. I know that’s kind of vague, I will elaborate more on that when I am able. And two, we rarely get time to do things together as a family. Our older children are at the ages where they need to be here and there. Time together – just the seven of us – is rare and precious. That may sound weird coming from a homeschool family who is together all day but it’s true. All that said, we ran some errands, went to Easter morning church services, David got called in to work some on Saturday, and we stayed home & spent the rest of our time together.

On Sunday afternoon, we took a trip to a local art gallery that is known for its gardens. We were hoping that the azaleas were in full bloom for some of our pictures but there were only a few here and there. We still captured a few good pictures though. Some people were in a bit of a bad mood as you may see in some of the pictures.

(Don’t worry about them on this bridge. David was close by. ;0)

We came home from our photo shoot and had a very unconventional Easter dinner of grilled brats on a bun, chips, and peach cobbler with ice cream. Everyone wanted to eat outside so we moved our school table out of doors. After we ate, the kids hunted eggs in the backyard.

The rest of Sunday was spent outside in the sun. Dave and the kids put together our birthday present to all of them – a new swing set! They had been wanting one for a quite some time. I spent time getting the rest of the garden in (yay!) and trying to finish cleaning up leaves that had fallen after our fall raking. When we came in last night after a day of work outside, the kids had a good laugh. I had dirt from my head to my toes! They thought it was funny that my shirt that had started out white was now tan!

Our weekend was quite different than what we are used to on Easter weekend. However, it was refreshing for our spirits. We made some decisions that needed to be made. We even spent time together and had fun. It may seem like we didn’t do much in the way of celebrating our Savior. I will tell you that I rarely feel closer to God than I do when I am in nature. I look around at the azaleas & the grass beginning to green and I see God. I see seeds becoming plants that will bring forth food and I see God. I am so aware of God when I am in the nature that He created that I can’t help but think of His love for me. That love was made full in His Son, Jesus Christ. As I spent this weekend tending a garden, laughing with my children, coloring eggs (& trying to keep the baby from cracking them all), I saw God’s blessings in my life and I am forever thankful for His provision – both of my earthly needs and of my spiritual needs. Thank you God for Your Son and Your love.

Spring in the middle of the winter

Years ago, David and I wanted to leave our deep south home state so badly.  We tried every chance we had to move.  Both of us have only lived here in two states that are both considered the deep south.  We wanted something different – something new.  However, God had other plans for us.

Over these past few years, living here has really grown on both of us.  We are now content to be living here and are glad that we are only an hour or so away from our parents. 

Perhaps one of my favorite things about our home state is the weather.  Well, if you don’t count the tornadoes like the ones that affected our area last night.  Oh, and maybe also the extreme humidity that we experience in the summer and right before a thunderstorm.

You see, today, in the middle (or is it all ready the end? – wow, where did time go?) of January, it was 67 degrees outside.  The drabness and gloominess of winter can really get to me and I am always thankful for these beautiful blue sky days in the middle of the days of gray.

We started our school and when we just couldn’t stand it for one more minute, we headed outside to breathe in the fresh air and run out our wiggles.

We splashed in mud puddles and even stuck our lollipops in the puddles.  (Yes, he really did.)  We soaked in the sunshine and laughed with each other.  And I…I was revived by the beauty of it all…the beautiful sky and the beautiful children.

 

We know that the winter is not over and we may even face some more of the frozen and burst pipes out in our garage before we get to bask in the glorious warmth of the sun again.  But we know that spring is on its way.  He said so. 

While the earth remains, seedtime and harvest, and cold and heat, and summer and winter, and day and night shall not cease.  Genesis 8:22

So we smile because even though we shiver now and wake to gray skies once again, we know that the sun is shining behind those dark clouds and soon we will be spending our days out in the sunshine again. 

Of course then, we’ll also be visited by the mosquitoes!

Thank you God for sending the beautiful days right when I need them most.