In part 1 of “the why behind it all”, I spoke of how my life has really lacked discipline here lately. Unfortunately, that discipline has spilled over into many areas of my life: what I eat, how often I exercise, my sleep, and even taking care of our home.
It was my hope that focusing on getting up and getting dressed everyday would help me to “tame” one undisciplined area of my life and that, in turn, would cause me to become more disciplined in the other areas.
Today, I will tackle part 2 which is a little harder for me to write. I always want to be real and open on my blog. But y’all…I’m southern. And sometimes we southern women are known to gloss over and candy coat the ugly stuff. It’s just what
we I do. But life gets ugly sometimes and I believe that putting it out there for someone else to read, may very possibly help me and maybe some others in the process.
Yes, the old ugly “D” word. That’s why.
I’ve only been officially diagnosed with depression once. After the birth of our third child, I struggled with the “baby blues” (or so I thought) for over 8 months! Finally, I realized that this was something more and went to the doctor. She diagnosed me with late-onset postpartum depression. I figured that since I now knew what depression felt like that surely…surely, I would recognize it should it strike again.
Wrong, wrong, wrong
It took me a while to notice it, but these past few months, I realized that I was sinking again. There was a summer of sickness, more changes (big changes) than I care to count, broken relationships, anger, and a bitterness that I was dealing with. These things were taking a toll on my mental & emotional states. I was finding it hard to get up and get dressed and to take care of my family.
What really sealed the deal for me was when I didn’t want to sing any more. If you know me, then you know that music is the very heartbeat of my soul. To not want to sing is totally opposite of who I am. I knew there was a problem when the songs wouldn’t come anymore.
So I’m making changes. I don’t want to stay here with the “D” word anymore.
I’m walking again with a friend. We are going to start running. We are shooting for a 5K in the future.
I am singing. And I lead children’s choir. Love, love, love!
I am spending time with friends who inspire me. We’ve gone to lunches. I love to hang out with my walking buddy because she always makes me laugh. We’re texting and messaging. (Many of us are busy moms so sometimes that’s all we’ve got!)
My husband and I make sure we have “us” time. He watches Downton Abbey with me. (Love that man!) We laugh and talk often.
I’m journaling through the Bible. I’m in the book of James right now.
I’m creating things. I love that!
All of these things are filling my soul and squeezing out the big “D”.
I feel so much better than I did at the beginning of the 31 days challenge. I don’t get out of the yoga pants every day. But, for the most part, I’m getting up and putting one foot in front of the other.
*Just a little note on depression. When I was first diagnosed with postpartum depression, I did take medicine to help myself get better. My doctor and I talked later about what to do if I felt like I was becoming depressed again. Her advice: eat well, exercise, reduce stress, get rest, and do things that you enjoy. Of course, she said to come back and see her if those things didn’t seem to help. All of this to say, if you feel like you are depressed, your doctor may be able to help you or give you some advice on what will help. Please note that what I have written above is what works for me.